Welcome

I had recently finished washed my clothes. Manually. Because hmmm i just thought that i had only  a few of dirty clothes, and it is going to be waste if i use mashine. Waste money, and electricity!! ( I really dont like to waste electricity(!) because this electricity energy can be saved to be use in the future)

So that is it for my introduction lol. ( i just want to share a brief things about im doing currently and basically it is just a quick update)

Disclaimer: I think this post will be boring. I guess. This time i dont have a specific things that i have to confess. I just want to give a small update about myself riding my life as a university student.

Okayyy

Emmm how to start ha..

Okay, i just thought that this week is quite good. Oh btw i've already finished my period, so this time the hormones thingy not going to bother me emotionally (i hope).

 I had realised that my confident level and self esteem is rising right now. In some classes, i managed to perform well. I dont being that shy student. Every time my lecturer ask a question to the whole classes, i just randomly speak my answers confidently when the rest of my classmate are quiet, and basically i just answered the question without thinking that it will be wrong or not, and thinking that at least i tried.

This week also, i managed to go to class without being nervous ( i dont know why i have to be nervous basically no reason). I go to class confidently with my friend, S.

Then, based on my post before this, i talked about i had trouble having conversation with people. But in this week, somehow i had improved a little bit in my speaking. I dont feel nervous when i talk to a particular person. I also dont even feel scared that the conversation might be dull at the end, ( as i usually feel) instead i feel confident to start the conversation and even end it well. I'm so proud of myself!!

But today i want to highlight something. This improvement that i got is basically all from Allah and im sure it is. Based on my story that i had post before, i had a lot of trouble throughout this few days in this new semester. In that day, I've tried to near myself to Allah. I read ma'surat almost every day ( because i am period at that time so thats the only ibadah that i can do). I also go to the mosque in my university almost every Maghrib to calm myself ( at here, when it comes to Maghrib and Isyak prayer, the people who join jemaah was quite a lot. So the imam will sometimes recite a longer surah in their prayer, and i love to hear it while i calming myself)

I also doa a lot to Allah that whatever test that you have give me, i want to request for strength so that i can pass all of this. And i know people say that, if Allah had given you a test, are maybe because Allah miss you.....

Allah wants to hear your voice and want you to make a doa from Him. Allah wants you to noticed Him maybe because you had forgotten him quite a long time.

And here i was, i came back to Allah..
I tell Him every things that sadden me and makes me angry.
I tell Him my story.
I request and make a lot of doa from him.

Now Alhamdulillah, Allah help me to slowly rise back and stand strong. He is the one who give me strength to go through all my problems throughout the day.

In the meantime, i am still struggling to improve myself to become a better person. A stronger person. And a braver person. I believe Allah will help me for my journey to become a better person.

Im also kinda try to control my temper, so that i wont be angry easily. I want to be as calm and as fearless as ever. I only fear Allah. Because He is the only powerful in this world. He can uplift you but also can degrade you. He is Allah.

May Allah forgive us and bless us. Thank you and have a nice day.

I will call this girl S

I've been friend with this girl since the first day i arrived at my uni. She is my first friend in class. And she is still my friend in class until now because she and i will always go anywhere together in any class session.

But, in the end of sem 1, she and i somehow close to this two girl in my class who is already bestfriend to each other. At first, me and S are close to both of them. But lately, it is just S who really becoming quite close to them and i am not. Hmm i dont how that happen but somehow it just happen.
But i thought that it was already in the end of sem 1 so i just let that thing go.

Now, in sem 2. Things become more.... S become more close to both of them that somehow at this one point i feel forgottrn by own bestfriend? I mean, i only have S  as my best friend in that class. She also always help me and sometimes being the place for me to ask question about academic. But now i am quite afraid that i will lose her.

okay hold on

I know this sounds childish, and you might be thinking only primary school kids did all this things. But you have to admit it, that you will also get jealous when someone else try to take away the person you loved and hoped the most. And right now this is my case, it is my friend.

to be truth, i dont want to be childish. I dont want to even bother thinking about this silly matter ( i should be doing my assignment by now but instead i am confessing my problems here). But sometimes i couldnt stop thinking about it. I mean, it is only A WEEK i have been here. A WEEK. How i want to survive for the rest of my semester 2 when i keep thinking that S will get bored at me and left me and being friend with that two girl??!! LOL MUCH (i know i am emotional on thing i shouldnt be)

But alhamdulillah you know. I still have my housemates as my friend. Whenever i feel bad at class, i will go back to my hostel  and spend some time with my housemate and insya- Allah, i will forget abou the bad things that happen in class. I also still have my high school friend, we still contact each other through whatsapp group. And that group is always busy with their chatting and i love it :) Also, of course, my family. There are my friends, my blessing and my everything. What ever bad thing happen here at my uni, when i go back home, i become fresh and new again that somehow i just forgot about all the things that bother me.

Hhhahahaah guess what this is still foundation doooo and i've already feel bothered like hell. What will happen probably when i pursue in degree???.....I PROBABLY DEAD HAHAH

No lah, im just kidding. Allah is always with me. He is with me through all the thin and thick of my life. He knows the best of me. He never test me beyond what i can't handle. It means that every problem that i mm facing right now, i can go through it. I believe with Allah.

That is all for today. Have a nice day everyone.Always believe that Allah is indeed will be with you if you put your trust on Him. Alhamdulillah and Adios!

I am currently watching a Youtube Video about chemistry. It is about a rate of reaction, it is my chemistry chapter 1 (lol why I even tell you guys about this..)

Moving on!

Okay. I'm just going to call this girl as T

In sem 1, I am quite close to this girl. She somehow is like me. Childish but at the sometimes serious. We also like to talk a lot about things and issues. We both seem to quite "click" to each other even though she is not my roommate.

Then, here comes sem 2. Things seem not quite right. I somehow become quite awkward with her for no reason?? I mean, why can it even happen. We are so close back then in sem 1, and we did not see each other only for 1 month and a few weeks (semester break), but things become so different right now.

I am not very comfortable when I speak to her
I don't know what to speak to her.
I somehow want to get away from her.

What is happening to me...

This sounds very ridiculous, and it somehow bothers me. Well, because it is my housemate. We see each other, and when things like this happen, I certainly cannot avoid not seeing her. Btw, I love this friendship. It bothers me that I cannot talk comfortably with her anymore. And to be worse, I can also sense that awkwardness from her too!

Sometimes I think, why I bother myself thinking about gaining attention from someone that is not even important? I mean, why I can't focus on people that stay with me along the way? Yess that is the thing I should do. Maybe there is hikmah that Allah wants to show. I also should focus more on people that always try to keep me happy. I maybe not have a lot of friends but I have a lot of blessing that Allah give to me. It is some kind of friends, but in another form or maybe in a different form of reward. Maybe it is my family, my health, my family's stable financial, my good achievement in academic. There's a lot of it, and maybe some of them I don't even realize.

That is why we should be thankful and grateful. Say Alhamdulillah every day. Because Allah is very very fair. You could say that you are not lucky. But actually, you just do not see the bigger picture of yourself and realize that you are actually lucky. Some people want the thing that you have, yet you did not appreciate it.

That is it. There is azan Johor right now. So, may God bless you and helps you to lead a better life with being thankful every day. Amin.

Today I encounter this one video. This video is about being grateful.

The video talks about be grateful of all the things that you have. We humans always think differently. We often focus more on trying to have the things that we don't have and somehow neglect all of the blessing and good things that Allah has already given to us

As for me right now, I am feeling quite sad as I can't really make a lot of friends. I don't know how to talk so enjoy and make the conversation leading somewhere ( i always end up making the conversation look dull). People also often choose to not talk to me ( i mean I don't know I just feel like it hehe)

But when I watched the video, I reflect back to myself. I still have friends you know. (even though I still don't have someone that I really can call as a best friend where I could be really comfortable with them)but still, I have friends and they also act well as a friend. They always help me, tell me stories, people that I can laugh with (even though they know that I'm not good at conversation but they still try to do that) and right now after I think back, I am really really grateful. I love my friends..they help me whenever i need them and still want to be my friends

And also being grateful is not about this. there's lot more to be grateful for. But these are something that i want to highlight about as today is my first day to go to class.

So that is all. Assalamulaikum and have a good day everyone.