Guys, I just want to be real and honest.

I am an awkward person.

I don't know why but whenever I'm being alone with somebody either male or female, either I know that person or not... I will end up being awkward and being so speechless, even with my own best friend that I really enjoy talking to! (everyone except my mother! hmmm she always makes me comfortable in any way that possible )
This situation also goes the same when I need to do work, that needs me to pair with someone.

Anybody emmm.. feels the same?

I MEAN I DONT KNOW WHYY IM BEING LIKE THIS

I will be so speechless, so embarrassed with no reasons. And things get worse when the other person gets awkward because of my awkwardness and basically the whole situation will be SUPER AWKWARD LOL

I really want to change this. I cannot blame anyone for this matter

Also, I'm maybe getting jealous with those type of people that can be talking comfortably and cheerfully with almost everyone.. while me, I always get anxious when I talk one to one to person because I was like "what I'm going to talk next ha? think please! " and basically I was brainstorming just to talk to somebody?! WHAT

But sometimes I thought, being jealous is not the solution. It will only bring your self-esteem to drop even lower. That is why I'm here writing, expressing what I could express and while doing that, I want to motivate myself. Sometimes writing helps you to release all of the burdens from inside of you ( besides from praying to Allah, do that too okay my dear friends * reminder to self too* )

With this kind of trouble, I always don't feel happy whenever I want to go back to to my school or uni ( I'm currently studying in uni for foundations). I'm was afraid that my friends are not happy being around me because I'm not a good friend that can cheer them and talk a lot to them. I will always be the boring one and the one that is left ( this is only my thoughts actually, to be exact I'm just afraid that they're going to leave me that's all lol)

I never talk to anyone about my problems because this is basically a small problem, and I don't think they can help me because literally, they cannot  understand my situation

And also, I'm always afraid to join my friend to go hang out because of my "awkwardness" problem...

Any people out there that probably reading this, hope you can comment if you also had the same situation as me. This helps me to know that I'm not alone.

And maybe you might want to help with giving some advice and any motivation words.

So that is it for today. Have a blast everyone!💖

(i may not be a good writer, to be honest, I just basically write what I want to write *melancholic tone* )